I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
