Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
