Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
