Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
