gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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