you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
