so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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