i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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