I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
