a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
