Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
