it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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