I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
