I didn't shave. On purpose
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
