His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This baby is an asshole
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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