A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
