just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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