For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
