Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
