No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
