Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
