I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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