I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
