I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
