By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I deserve this hangover.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
