Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
