apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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