By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
