Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
