accomplished twins. life is a go
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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