New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
