you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
