ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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