Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Randomize
