My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
