If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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