You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
