fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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