Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
