Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
