how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
