just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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