Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
