Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
