Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
