The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I will be naked everywhere
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
