You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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