There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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