Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think pants incapable of making pants work
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
