I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
