I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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