do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
